long week

Finally i have time for my comp...hahah...been busy tis week...having a new job...preparing for it...went for uniform fitting....which i cant even wear "s"....got to super tailor make...hahah...tink only i can wear tat..hahah.. went to hunt for white shoes.....hahah...unknown..i bought 2 pairs........dun even koe if i can stay long at tis job...den still buy 2 pairs.. =>...hmmm i will be working for Laneige.. a new korean brand in spore...went for e trainin yesterday n today.....luckily today can come back early......phew.....freaking alot of tings to rember....dun koe if i can do well in it....abit stressful......hahah..mus be wonddering, how come haven start work got stress le....hmmm  cos the so called guarantor for me is answerable for me....hmm so my performance hav to be super good...i not sure if i can do  well..cos i haven been it such line b4.....sales yes....but not cosmectic sales....hmmm but i will try my best....

hmmm been busy...haven been thinking of wat is going to be like when i start working.....hmmm guess got to take a step at a time..super tired...sigh....hmm guess tats e summary...tis week is all abt work... = >

lets see wat happening tings can happen later in e evening  n the weekends = >

sigh....confused

hi...had a bad week...everything seems to go against me...mayb its becos of me...Lots of tings i do  or did, seems  wrong....i dun koe wat i shld do..mayb i do tink abt e rite ting to do...yet my messed up mind  is going mad....haywire......lost again.....im sorry for making ple worry...im sorry for not doing wat i said....but mus  i be accountable to everyone??am i living for myself or for others? ot be e rational  person jus to fit in??? i tink i seriously screwed up.....but somethings are beyond controll...though some may say  "u hav to be in control" but come to tink of  it....if everyone can be in control of every  situation....there will not be mistakes n wrongs in tis unfair world....im not defending myself or wat i had done...but i jus feel evryone makes mistakes n everyone will face setbacks.....n everyone deserves a second chance or even upmteen times of chances....im sorry...but i jus koe n believe tat one shld be forgiven....jus becos of a mistake, we going to condem them???i dun koe...mayb im silly...mayb im mad...but that is my faith...my trust in human.tat no human is born evil....
hiya im not in e rite mind to tink....mayb tat's wat everyone feels... but who  can say tat they nv been thru times when they couldn tink properly....sigh...i dun koe...do it mean tat doing wat seems to be e wrong ting is wrong??who can jugde who's rite n who's wrong???all i believe is no one can....the only jugde i believe is God...tats my belief...i will only go before God for him to jugde my  life n my actions....do we hav to tink  n be affected to wat ple say?why do we hav to do wat others say???i means sometimes views differ......hiya....i dun koe....is it tat impt to consider wat others  say.... is it fair?? arent we suppose to be in control of our own lifes??i jus feel tat everyone shld be fair...if there's a need for soul searching.....everyone pls do it.... can u say tat u nv do anything wrong in ur life???hav u done anything irrational before???i guess e ans is yes.....i jus wan fairness...i dun wish to be said when tings goes wrong.....im only acconutable for myself....not to anyone......
if i need to be happy...shldn i be e 1 to feel wat i feel will make me happy???mayb i might get hurt again....but i truly believe tat u might get hurt walking.....but if u afraid of being hurt.....does tat means u nv walk again?if falling down is part n parcel of life...shldn we get thru tis now???yes mayb everyone is afraid of being hurt in a relationship....but will u stop loving if u get hurt once??will u stop loving cos u r afraid??? i jus wish to try everything again....i jus wan to believe in the hope tat everyone will change over time....whether it turn out to be good or bad...i jus hope i can giv it a go again...im stubborn i koe.....but i dun wan t giv up cos im afraid...i dun wish to giv up until i try....even if it means having e high possibility of getting hurt in e process.....
i jus wish everyone will understand tis side of me....but if no one will...i wun force...cos every person views on a same ting or problem is different......no 2 person in e whole is made e same.....i jus wan to be happy.......i jus wan to be treated fairly...but if i dun n caNt get  e understanding of ple i need....i tink tis is e path i got to go thru all by myself......

=) smile...

*yawn* haven been sleeping well lately...finally got to slp last nite...sigh...dun koe wats wrong...sick le..sigh...
hee...was happy..i went to cut my super long hair yesterday...quite sad....cos they cut alot...but i guess i really need to change a style....they cut my fringe....not too short...like e normal "doll" kind...but its quite short lo...but i like it alot..hahah...did rebonding...hmmm not very straight...seems quite dry...tink my hair too sturbborn liao...sigh....
aniwae am pretty happy lately...not super happy la...but i guess one hav to take tings easiier....jus be happy wif wat u have...life may be simpler n easier tis way,....happier too...
hmmm shld be all......

wat is the world turning into???

i had a hard day yesterday.supposed to be  a happy occasion.but  even b4 we met up....i faced a problem...why do ple take life so easily?why turn to death  or suicide when u meet a problem....i koe i hav no rite to say tat.cos i did feel tat way when "the  love" left me.....but now while nursing tis break up.i nv tot of tat....im stil hurting...but i din turn to death....who actuli can stand up after a break up?? i did somehow...i may  not hav suceed.but  im trying..sometimes the tings u do will hurt ple who care n love u.....n these ple are ur family n frens....wat u go thru may hurt..but its nothing.....i mean if u created the problem urself,why use ur own life to threaten???God gave us a life to bring glory to him,...not shame....dun take life so easily....i wish everyone will love urself.....u cant expect to be love,or others to love  u, when u dun even love urself......
watever setbacks u face,  hav to face it strongly...u may need to cry need to run away for awhile....need to vent ur anger...u can do all these...but nv turn to death to solve a "problem"..... If have no guts to face death,dun use it.....dun say it when u wun....cos even by saying it...u may hurt ur  fren....cos they care, n they be worried......wat if u always use it....everyone will tink its another of ur joke....n ignore ur cries....but u really do it???do u wan ur frens to live in guilt n regret?is tis wat u do to ple u claim u care n love???hiya....i jus wish u all koe n understand how i feel....
im not strong....i cant hold on long....im trying to stand up...cos its hurting myself n ple who loves me to be sad.....here i am trying to be happy....yet i get hurt n sad....how u wan me to move on???why ask me to be happy when u guys aint helping me???i jus wish everyone understand  e message im try to get to u...Life are full of setbacks...but there are wonderful tings too...like love n frienship......."when God closes a door in ur life, he will actully open a window for u" ..so  there are always reasons behind what happen...u may not understand e real meaning....but u hav to believe tat  God is in control......sorry if i sound really religious  here....but its a strength for me to hold on...to  move on ...to stand up...i hope u will believe it too.....Life is short....live it to e fullest ...embrace life like there's no tomorrow....cos when u cant wake up to see the sun rise....u will regret not living ur life to  e fullest......Dun regret.....i wish all of u to be hapy even in times of saddness.....Count ur blessings....treasure wat u hav in life......u will regret if u dun......i koe most ple will only treasure e ting after u lose them....but i tell u...if u can,treasure those whom u love..cos one day u might not get them back when u regret.....
Be happy...smile ple....

my thoughts....

i jus came back from a movie...i watched a korean war movie "Brotherhood"....Nice show....tells a story of 2 brothers had to go to war by mistake....n the elder bro did many tings jus to get his little brother back home.But was misunderstood by his little bro.thinking he did it for fame n glory of his own...sad.....
the elder bro joined the enemy army,after seeing his finacee being killed by his army..cos she was suspected of  being a communist....n his little brother was burned to death under the order by his commander.....he went crazy...n went over to e enmey's side...to war against his own ple.....evetuli...his little bro found out e truth of his bro's real intentions....n went to save him......his bro din recognise him...n kept hitting him.....he was a mad man...but he regain his senses.....told his little bro to go bac  n await for his return.....but he din....he fought against e enemy n was killed.....sad rite....his little bro survived.......
i felt sad watching e show....wondering wat will it be like when there;s  a war....will ple survive?why mus ple go against each other ...why mus they fight...why mus innocent ple suffer.. why is there different kind of suffering.....................................
 
im suffering from a heart break......today is e 2nd month i left my loved one...or shld i say it left me....im tired...i din leave when he left...i stayed for 2 whole months...it was like normal days....but there was still diff....i couldn say i love him n i miss him when i wan...i had to restrain myself....i had to stop myself from seeing him....but time after time...i ran back to him...into his arms......but i wonder why he still holds me...is it becos he still loves me...or simply becos i was hurting??
i koe very well its over....yet my heart still longs for him....i still  turn to him.....i koe i got to move on....but i stayed at e very same point...i din move an inch....i wanted to....but i hav no strength...even if  i did have any strength...it was e strength of love...the only love i had.....he was my first love...my only love...but i....i wasnt his only love...his heart had regrets of a lost love......i had to let go.....but .....i din...i couldn...i held on......i dun koe wat i shld koe...how to go abt doin wat i shld do....
This  person was e person who taught me to love...who taught me to do fall  deeply in love.....yet ....he made me fell hard on e ground....i fell into  e well of sorrows.....of  heart break....i haven found e way out...i couldn get out....im still stuck...will i be stuck there forver??will anyone save me from it???will i love again?will i fall deeply in love wif another person??i hav no idea...
i could hav left...wif someone i used to like.....but i din feel anything when tis person came....i still held on to e one who left me....cos i love him...silly rite......i could have jus let go n start a new life......but could i???will i ever forget e one who i love n who taught me how to love???i tink i wouldnt....i din had e strength to love a new someone within a short period of time...all i could tink of was the one.....but thank God i din jus left e the new guy...cos he turn out to be someone who was lookin for a rebound....... i am envious of someone beside me.....she had all she wanted...n even the one she din want....she had all of it....most of all she had a savior..who loves her wif all his heart...willing to go thru all storms to save her.....the tings he do are jus so  sweet...tat's someone every girl needs.......love n care....n security.......he could giv all tat to her....i wonder if there is anyone who can do e same for  me....mayb im not as good as her to deserve wat she has.....im not tat lucky....im always envious of her....wif her blessed life....though im blessed too...in some other ways....i hav e best parents n family in e world...who could love me unconditionallly....im counting my blessings....but i do wish i can get wat she has....but if i dun...its  okie...i will jus live my simple life....wanting to start anew...i wish i could pack up my bags...n leave tis place....till im can start anew, afresh....till then....im still where i am.....to move on...to leave...to stay......i hav no idea.....though i koe wat  shld be e decision...yet i got no energy....i cant leave so easily.....my heart is stuck in e huge heart of tat someone....though i could only find a snall  space in it...sigh....im still there...still cant leave...*silly me*.....i can consider myself a strong person...but i was only brought down to e weakest point cos of that one love..i lost...i cant stand in victory in tat......cos i love it.......lost to only 1 word-- LOVE....
*sigh*....where do i go from here??? 

am i happy??will i be happy?

time flies...many tings have change...has his love changed too??am i happy now....can i still be by  his side irregardless of all tings? will i still love him unconditionally?will love be reciprocated??will he do e same for me??
my best fren tinks she is e one who is causing hurt on me....mayb she did...without her own knowledge....but....she is not hurting me anymore..she shldn tink tat way...our friendship has gone thru many storms...many ups n downs.....tis is nothing....not only between me n her...but wif the whole grp of sisters....tats all i can say.....we loveeach other....irregardless of flaws....we still stick by each other....
as for individual.....im trying to be happy...wif him or without him......i got to be strong....i still cry....but crying doesn't make one weak...its jus another way of reliveing stress.....to let go of the pressure inside.......i jus wan to be happy...i hope he will too...i hope he will find e direction of  life...may he see the light soon....i'll wait....for now....how long...no one koes...no even myself...only my heart is in control.....God is too.....Smile...for now...tats  all i can do.....live life to e fullest....embrace life like there is no tomorrow...i dun wan to regret if i may die tml.......there's lots of tings beyond  our control...we're jus humans....not God.....

wat is happening

how to live on?im confused..tired...i been walking n walkin...pondering where shld my existence be.by his side or away from him.i hav no strength.i cant leave.i koe i have to.im tried..really tired.to be in between. i have no idea wat to do next.
everyone ard me is confused ..everyone wil tons of burden n troubles on their back.tooo heavy for each of us to move on...
decisions...many of them.each could afeect a different person...who shld i do..wat should she do?? its all a circle....its connected in 1 way or another...
hav the same tots of running away..go as far as i can....hopin all will be fine.i wonder...what does God wan me to do...what he wans from me....Dear God....pls help...im tried.....